Eliot Shorr-Parks: “The Alien”

Eliot Shorr-Parks: "The Alien"
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Here he is.  Public enemy number one right here.  Don’t be fooled by the fact it looks like he hasn’t hit puberty yet.  For those that don’t know, this is Eliot Shorr-Parks.  He covers the Eagles for NJ.com.  I have no idea what his qualifications are other than the fact he graduated from Temple with a journalism degree, which apparently makes him a football expert.  You’ll often hear him referred to by us as the “Alien.”  He’s nicknamed the alien because this guy’s not human. He’s from another planet.  He’s been sent here by other aliens with a goal in mind of making our fan base dumber.  And by god he’s doing it.

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If you don’t know, NJ.com is a glorified blog in which their “writers” are paid by clicks.  The alien has mastered the art of click baiting.  While literally every single media person covering the Eagles last year reported Tim Tebow looked like shit in training camp, this guy was saying he looked great.  He’s admitted to not watching college football closely yet routinely offers his opinion on draft prospects and even creates his very own mock draft.  He’s the kind of guy will look you right in the eyes and tell you the sky is green and grass is blue.

The Alien is the Kanye of beat writers in this city.  No one takes him seriously and he’s universally hated.  And guess what?  He’s a huge Kanye fan.  Is there anything worse than a guy we’re supposed to be relying on for useful information about the Eagles, tweeting out Kanye Lyrics and talking about how great Kanye’s new album is?

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