Should They Stay Or Go? Eagles Edition
We’re officially back after a long hiatus. It was a beautiful holiday for the boys at Philly Reason capped with the firing of that fat fraud Chip Kelly. We hope your holiday was filled with joy and happiness as well. This is a New Year, which will mark a new us. No more ripping on Eliot Shorr-Parks for being a complete douchebag. No more making fun of Jimmy Kempski for being so poor that he can barely afford the tolls to get from his shit hole cabin in North Jersey to Philly. We will not be making fun of Les Bowen for literally shedding tears and twitter fighting everyone that opposed his super-duper progressive liberal views. There will be no more jokes about Elliot Shorr-Parks being a complete douchebag. Oh shit, I said that already. Well, now that we got that out of the way, let’s get down to business:
Quite honestly this was a shitty year for the Eagles. We all expected a down year with a rookie head coach and rookie quarterback. Even though they started 3-0, and our rabid fanboy media members in this town were talking about the playoffs, we’re not morons…we knew they would suck because they have shit players. Very simple math here, so try and follow me: Shit players = Shit team. Not complicated. So, this was a very expected, anticlimactic season for us. There was no joy in watching the Eagles play this year and that’s a shame.
Here’s our edition of should he stay or should he go? This will be a series so check in daily. Today we start with the D line:
Brandon Graham: God bless Graham for finally stepping up this year. If you remember we drafted him over Earl Thomas. Would I trade Graham for Earl Thomas today? You can bet your ass I would, but at least our boy Brandon has become productive. One could argue he was the most productive guy on our defense.
Verdict: Keep Him
Conner Barwin: I literally can’t remember him making one play this year. For some reason I’ve always hated him. I think it has something to do with him using Septa as his only means of transportation. I don’t need my athletes sitting next to average Joe’s who are shlubbing to work in a disgusting train.
Verdict: Get out
Fletcher Cox: He’s a disruptive force that just got signed to a massive contract.
Verdict: Keep Him
Benny Logan: I like Benny, but he’s a free agent that will probably command a decent amount of money on the open market. Here’s a test: Name one play Bennie Logan made this year that sticks out in your mind. You can’t can you?
Verdict: Get out
Vinny Curry: Curry was horrendous this year. Remember when all of our expert player personnel media members were telling us that Curry simply wasn’t a fit in Chip’s 3-4 defense and that he’d thrive in a 4-3? He finished with 2.5 sacks this year.
Verdict: Get the fuck out
Marcus Smith: Believe it or not Smith had the same amount of sacks as Vinny Curry did this year. With that said, he’s been a major disappointment as a former first round pick. If you did keep him, he wouldn’t cost you a damn thing.
Verdict: Don’t care
That’s pretty much everyone worth discussing regarding the defensive lineman. There’s Beau Allen of course. I guess he can stay. Everyone else can go for all I care. One thing is for sure; the Eagles are in serious need of another pass rusher.
Up Tomorrow: Linebackers
May 24, 2017
May 08, 2017