Today Eliot Shorr-Parks “Broke Down” Film and I got Agita
Happy Friday! Philly Reason has been on a hiatus while I work to ensure that each and every one of you has fantastic tasting, high sodium, well priced soup each winter. You’re welcome. In addition, I’ve also been working on my body ever since Jimmy Kempski said I was fat even though he’s never seen me. Thanks to Jimmy, I’m down a cool, clean 12. Caloric intake down + Metabolic output up = weight loss #TeamPerkis. Anyway, enough about me and my successes. Today I was perusing the Internets and came across the Alien’s (Eliot Shorr-Parks) latest bull shit article diarrhea. Just like I thought the Corinthians were full of shit when reading the bible and they said Jesus rose from the dead, Eliot Shorr-Parks pulled his own more than ridiculous bull shit story. He broke down Sidney Jones’ film. And then I got Agita. Absolutely nothing worse than reading his horrendous “hot takes” on a dreary Friday. I’m 99.9% sure Eliot has never watched college football, even though you’d think he did since he published 45 mock drafts leading up to the Draft. Unlike Coach / General Manager / Scout / Football Expert / Genius Jimmy Kempski, Eliot literally has no clue about football. Sad! I’m not sure what’s worse: the ferret pubes on his face or his football IQ. For my sake, I’m gonna ignore the disgusting facial hair and go with the latter. Let’s breakdown his breakdown…
Okay since Eliot is a full blown moron, I’m just gonna highlight his “high-level” (douchebag corporate America speak) strengths and weaknesses he wrote:
Alright so I’m just gonna focus on how clueless this guy really is because its not worth my time to take any “scouting report” seriously that he does:
Two free agent WR’s. Two WR’s in the draft. Chris Long (not the answer but still). Derek Barnett. Two CB’s in the draft. I mean, can you count to, fucking moron, Eliot?
PS – If you want to watch a retard hump a doorknob, just go right to nj.com.
PSS – Why doesn’t Kyle Scott (crossingbroad.com) rip Eliot like he does Marcus Hayes? Racist? Not quite sure yet. But here at Philly Reason, we hold anyone and everyone accountable, black or white. You wanna be a dope? We’ll treat you like a dope.
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